So I started this blog saying I wanted to write a post every day, and here I am several weeks later with only 2 posts. Shit. But the new year has arrived and I will make this one of my new years resolutions, to write everyday. Okay, I know that new years resolutions usually last to February 1st if they are lucky, but I will put a timer on my phone if I have to. I will stick to it. It takes 66 days before something truly becomes a habit. 65 more days to go.
This isn't my only new years resolution, I actually have several. I may regret that decision later, but right now I am gosh dang determined (one of my resolutions is to cut back on swearing, hence the 'gosh dang'). But seriously, for some reason new years hit me this year with a renewed sense of purpose and ambition. Actually, I am fairly positive I know the reason. 2014 was one hell of a bad year for me. In Bruce Almighty, (for those of you who haven't seen it, go watch it right now), Bruce compares himself to an ant, and God to a bully with a magnifying glass. Never has an analogy been more accurate in describing my 2014 life. I was definitely the ant. Now I am not just blaming external forces, I take the blame for a lot of my unhappiness in 2014. I could have made conscious efforts to change some of my circumstances, but instead I chose to be a negative nancy. Well no more! I can't control all of the things that happen to me in 2015, but I can control some. So watch out universe, this little ant is steppin away from the magnifying glass.
Since the New Year started I have become a contributing writer for Elite Daily, Feministing, and am just starting a new internship for AfterPartyChat, a site that aims to de-stigmatize addiction. Now I'm not trying to brag or anything (although I am pretty stoked and you should check out the sites), but I am just proving a point that once you stop thinking the world is out to get you and get your head out of your ass, you can actually accomplish some pretty great things.
Because man oh man did I throw some fantastically epic pity parties. If there was a gold medal for wallowing, I would have had it in the bag. The thing about wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself though, it is exhausting. I'm exhausted. After a feeding frenzy phase that would put Jaws to shame, a crazy drug and party phase, and a stay in bed all day for weeks on end phase I finally decided to change. I had to go through not one, but all of the classic phases of depression to finally figure out that I had to make a conscious effort to be happy. I won't lie it is hard work, I struggle with it everyday and I still throw more pity parties than I should, but I'm takin baby steps. So don't give up my fellow strugglers, it's gonna take some time but happiness is possible...if you work for it.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Keepin it Real
I started reading Amy Poehler's new book, Yes Please, and one of the first things she talks about is how hard writing can be. As usual, Amy Poehler is right. I'm just a newbie small time blogger and I still stared at my computer screen for 20 minutes trying to figure out the best way to start this post. But then the words of Amy came back to me and I realized if she has trouble writing, and she is basically a genius/goddess/eternal role model, then maybe I don't have to feel so bad for having a few writing brain farts. So I figured I'd dive right in and start writing about how hard writing is...not my most inspired idea, but fuck it, I gotta learn somehow. Bare with me.
I feel a little awkward in these beginning posts. Blogs are like the socially acceptable form of talking to yourself in public. I'm writing all these personal thoughts and ideas down, but anyone can see it. It's like putting your own diary up on national television. Either analogy makes me feel sort of crazy. And I'm letting anyone in to see the crazy because I just don't care...that pretty much sums up my 20's so far.
Everyone in their 20's is dealing with some form of crazy. Like Lena Dunham's character in Girls, she has OCD, as well as various other neuroses that are not so obvious (maybe they are). Or Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, she buys multiple $500 shoes on a writer's salary. I guess that's not crazy, that's just a crock of shit. But really, there's all these shows about the struggles of being in your 20's (it seems to be the new cliche) yet a lot of the shows and movies never really seem to have an accurate portrayal of what it's really like. Obviously it's TV, but where are all the real issues being tackled? Where's the ugly truth? Girls is definitely better than Sex and the City, which was basically just about the struggle to find the right man or husband, because that's every woman's number one priority right? (that was extreme sarcasm, just wanted to make sure that transferred via the written word) Yet both of these shows are just a bunch of white, privileged women, supposedly struggling in their 20's, who still manage to have amazing apartments, jobs, and wardrobes in New York. I'm sorry, but where's the struggle?
After graduating from college I had to move back in with my parents, and have been job searching ever since. I got a couple dead beat jobs, but was still laid off, because they didn't end up having the funds to keep me on. I graduated from a university in 3 years, cum laude, with a major and a minor and I can barely land internships. That endless cycle of not being able to get a job without experience, and yet you can't get any experience because no one will give you a job makes me wanna punch a baby. Oh and that little thing called money always seems to be rearing its ugly head. That's my struggle so far, and there are plenty of other 20-somethings out there who have it way worse. I am privileged enough to have parents who will let me stay with them and are able to support me. It may sound hypocritical of me now to have been judging the characters from those shows because I am also white and privileged, but I refuse to be ignorant of what other people go through. I want to share their stories and experiences as well as my own. The struggle may be real, but I'm gonna at least try to keep it real. And with that horribly embarrassing sentence I'll sign off.
I feel a little awkward in these beginning posts. Blogs are like the socially acceptable form of talking to yourself in public. I'm writing all these personal thoughts and ideas down, but anyone can see it. It's like putting your own diary up on national television. Either analogy makes me feel sort of crazy. And I'm letting anyone in to see the crazy because I just don't care...that pretty much sums up my 20's so far.
Everyone in their 20's is dealing with some form of crazy. Like Lena Dunham's character in Girls, she has OCD, as well as various other neuroses that are not so obvious (maybe they are). Or Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, she buys multiple $500 shoes on a writer's salary. I guess that's not crazy, that's just a crock of shit. But really, there's all these shows about the struggles of being in your 20's (it seems to be the new cliche) yet a lot of the shows and movies never really seem to have an accurate portrayal of what it's really like. Obviously it's TV, but where are all the real issues being tackled? Where's the ugly truth? Girls is definitely better than Sex and the City, which was basically just about the struggle to find the right man or husband, because that's every woman's number one priority right? (that was extreme sarcasm, just wanted to make sure that transferred via the written word) Yet both of these shows are just a bunch of white, privileged women, supposedly struggling in their 20's, who still manage to have amazing apartments, jobs, and wardrobes in New York. I'm sorry, but where's the struggle?
After graduating from college I had to move back in with my parents, and have been job searching ever since. I got a couple dead beat jobs, but was still laid off, because they didn't end up having the funds to keep me on. I graduated from a university in 3 years, cum laude, with a major and a minor and I can barely land internships. That endless cycle of not being able to get a job without experience, and yet you can't get any experience because no one will give you a job makes me wanna punch a baby. Oh and that little thing called money always seems to be rearing its ugly head. That's my struggle so far, and there are plenty of other 20-somethings out there who have it way worse. I am privileged enough to have parents who will let me stay with them and are able to support me. It may sound hypocritical of me now to have been judging the characters from those shows because I am also white and privileged, but I refuse to be ignorant of what other people go through. I want to share their stories and experiences as well as my own. The struggle may be real, but I'm gonna at least try to keep it real. And with that horribly embarrassing sentence I'll sign off.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Calling All Bread Butts
The end piece, the last slice, the butt of the bread. No one ever seems to want the little guy; constantly overlooked, rejected, belittled, and humiliated. That being said, I am here to announce, without hesitation, that I am an end piece. I am the butt of the bread in the loaf of life. That is the conclusion I have come to so far living as a 20-something, post-college grad.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not a pessimist and this blog is not just me complaining about my life (okay, I won't lie, there's gonna be some complaining). I will simply be relaying my experiences as a 20-something. I will just be doing so in an accurate, realistic, and unapologetic manner. Disclaimer: This blog may not be suitable for those who still believe that graduating college and being in your 20's will be filled with immediate job offers, quick success, living on your own, and mature, committed relationships. Right now, those seem to be as about as likely as Ryan Gosling riding up to my door on a unicorn. It definitely is starting to sound like I am pessimistic, but I am just trying to be realistic. In fact, I redact my disclaimer, those who still believe those things should be reading this blog, to be prepared for what being an adult is really like, because sometimes it can really feel like the butt of the bread.
I have been rejected from countless jobs, overlooked in my internships, and had too many humiliating experiences to keep track of. Hence why I am comparing myself to the bread butt. But looking at my 20's life from a glass half-full perspective, those rejections have pushed me to work my ass off, being overlooked has taught me what is valued and stands out in the professional world, and being humiliated (mostly at my own hands) has given me tough skin. So I'm okay being the butt of the bread, yes it sucks sometimes, but at the end of the day, the butt piece is a survivor. My butt bread analogy is getting a little faulty at this point so I'm gonna finish up. But I want to end by calling on all my other bread butts out there, I want to hear the stories and experiences of other struggling 20-something's. I will attempt to post at least once everyday and will search for other young writers relating to the 20's struggle, and share them here. Strength through community right? Even if that community is comprised of bread butts.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not a pessimist and this blog is not just me complaining about my life (okay, I won't lie, there's gonna be some complaining). I will simply be relaying my experiences as a 20-something. I will just be doing so in an accurate, realistic, and unapologetic manner. Disclaimer: This blog may not be suitable for those who still believe that graduating college and being in your 20's will be filled with immediate job offers, quick success, living on your own, and mature, committed relationships. Right now, those seem to be as about as likely as Ryan Gosling riding up to my door on a unicorn. It definitely is starting to sound like I am pessimistic, but I am just trying to be realistic. In fact, I redact my disclaimer, those who still believe those things should be reading this blog, to be prepared for what being an adult is really like, because sometimes it can really feel like the butt of the bread.
I have been rejected from countless jobs, overlooked in my internships, and had too many humiliating experiences to keep track of. Hence why I am comparing myself to the bread butt. But looking at my 20's life from a glass half-full perspective, those rejections have pushed me to work my ass off, being overlooked has taught me what is valued and stands out in the professional world, and being humiliated (mostly at my own hands) has given me tough skin. So I'm okay being the butt of the bread, yes it sucks sometimes, but at the end of the day, the butt piece is a survivor. My butt bread analogy is getting a little faulty at this point so I'm gonna finish up. But I want to end by calling on all my other bread butts out there, I want to hear the stories and experiences of other struggling 20-something's. I will attempt to post at least once everyday and will search for other young writers relating to the 20's struggle, and share them here. Strength through community right? Even if that community is comprised of bread butts.
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