Baby Ant Steps

So I started this blog saying I wanted to write a post every day, and here I am several weeks later with only 2 posts. Shit. But the new year has arrived and I will make this one of my new years resolutions, to write everyday. Okay, I know that new years resolutions usually last to February 1st if they are lucky, but I will put a timer on my phone if I have to. I will stick to it. It takes 66 days before something truly becomes a habit. 65 more days to go.

This isn't my only new years resolution, I actually have several. I may regret that decision later, but right now I am gosh dang determined (one of my resolutions is to cut back on swearing, hence the 'gosh dang'). But seriously, for some reason new years hit me this year with a renewed sense of purpose and ambition. Actually, I am fairly positive I know the reason. 2014 was one hell of a bad year for me. In Bruce Almighty, (for those of you who haven't seen it, go watch it right now), Bruce compares himself to an ant, and God to a bully with a magnifying glass. Never has an analogy been more accurate in describing my 2014 life. I was definitely the ant. Now I am not just blaming external forces, I take the blame for a lot of my unhappiness in 2014. I could have made conscious efforts to change some of my circumstances, but instead I chose to be a negative nancy. Well no more! I can't control all of the things that happen to me in 2015, but I can control some. So watch out universe, this little ant is steppin away from the magnifying glass.

Since the New Year started I have become a contributing writer for Elite Daily, Feministing, and am just starting a new internship for AfterPartyChat, a site that aims to de-stigmatize addiction. Now I'm not trying to brag or anything (although I am pretty stoked and you should check out the sites), but I am just proving a point that once you stop thinking the world is out to get you and get your head out of your ass, you can actually accomplish some pretty great things.

Because man oh man did I throw some fantastically epic pity parties. If there was a gold medal for wallowing, I would have had it in the bag. The thing about wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself though, it is exhausting. I'm exhausted. After a feeding frenzy phase that would put Jaws to shame, a crazy drug and party phase, and a stay in bed all day for weeks on end phase I finally decided to change. I had to go through not one, but all of the classic phases of depression to finally figure out that I had to make a conscious effort to be happy. I won't lie it is hard work, I struggle with it everyday and I still throw more pity parties than I should, but I'm takin baby steps. So don't give up my fellow strugglers, it's gonna take some time but happiness is possible...if you work for it.